I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Damn victory sex feels great
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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