If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
