Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Randomize
