So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
