Where are you?
In a non slutty way
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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