I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
