my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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