dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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