Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
there is puke in my bra ... again
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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