What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
