THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
