Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He kissed a someone with a penis
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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