I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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