Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
