I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Small penises have feelings too.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
