having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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