i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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