Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
