Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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