I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize