erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
