I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
