the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
