i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I love you. Go after that dick
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
