is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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