did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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