Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize