The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i am craving dick and cupcakes
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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