Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You made out with two different species that night
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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