He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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