Pregnant stripper...not hot.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I AM VODKA MAN
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
