Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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