yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
