This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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