thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
