I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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