He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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