Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
