my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
