Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
