Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
