I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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