I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
