I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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