I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize