So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
