So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
