My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
