it wasn't lemon gatorade
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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