i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
