she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize
