i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
