When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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