well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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