the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
