Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
There's always time for handjobs
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
