dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I have tasted many bathrooms
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
