alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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