Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I am midnight drunk by noon
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
