You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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