Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
