We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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