He disabled his match.com account in front of me
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
