Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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