It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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