and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
