I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I currently don't understand fingers.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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