I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
