omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
