he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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