just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize