Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
