I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
