Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
