but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
