his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
