I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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