the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
