The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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