I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
