i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
