I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
