were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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