I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize