Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
