White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
