My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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