Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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