im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
