ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
