Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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