I accidentally burped into my bong.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
