Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Randomize
