It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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