brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
