in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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