I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
