My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
