So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
