Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
