i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
