there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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