She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
