Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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