There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
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