First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
