seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
