So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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