When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
